Slightly Orange Blog

I promise this is going somewhere!

2012-01-31T00:00:00.000-05:00

So here's today's update to Unfettered Discord. All of these "continues" are leading to something, they really are! Anyway, I just wanted to make the quick update announcement and keep it short and simple again this week. Much to do!

Quick Update

2012-01-24T00:00:00.000-05:00

Been quite busy and got a bit of a cold, so I'm pretty tired and don't feel up to a whole lot of updating, and so, I give you this update to Unfettered Discord. I'm linking to the scene from the last update because the next few fit with it. Anyway, that's it, enjoy!

Slightly Orange Pictures

2012-01-17T00:00:00.000-05:00

Sadly, I have no traditional updates this week. I've been spending my extra time to get reorganized and stuff.

So instead, I have some pictures here that I found interesting. Take a look at this juice! I feel like I have nearly been infringed upon! I discovered this a while back, and I had no idea that such a juice brand existed. Though, seeing as "Simply Orange" is a registered trademark, I can be thankful that they didn't go for "Slightly" or I would have been done in for. ...though I guess it's somewhat less appealing to drink a juice that brands itself containing only a moderate amount of orange, so I should be in the clear.

PICTURE NUMBER TWO!!!!!

James sent me this picture recently, pointing out that due to some defect in this grapefruit, it looks like it is a grapefruit-orange hybrid! Hooray for a slightly orange grapefruit! I feel like this should be my new logo. But then I think better of it and realize that would be a bunch of extra work I don't care to do.

Neat though, isn't it?

I am SO gonna make you blah blah blah

2012-01-10T00:00:00.000-05:00

I've always loved the "Tales of ..." series of videogames. And I've been meaning to record this for a long time, but I discovered that in one of the games, they made it possible to ridiculously overpower one of the characters. And I mean, so much so, that it makes a joke out of the biggest battle of the game (a 1 on 200 non-stop melee, when normally you fight 4 on 4 or so).

That, and, by doing so, you get one of the most hilarious combinations of phrases that your character says. If you watch this, keep your eye on the time counter and the kill counter in the top right. Notice that they give you 35 minutes to complete the 200-man melee, and I finish in a minute and a half. And no, it takes zero skill.

As for an update this week (and I don't mean this YouTube upload), I have updated Unfettered Discord, and in fact, during this week, I may update it a few more times, because this current command is going to spark a few "continues".

THE END! (of post)

Happy New Year

2012-01-03T00:03:00.001-05:00

This New Years I gathered with some friends and had an amazing and awesome New Years Eve party. More importantly though, is that I made and improved upon the "bacon cheeseburger log", which we lovingly dubbed "the yuletide log" for our New Years Eve party. Oh man... it was so good.

As for this week's update, I made one small change to the previous Unfettered Discord scene, and I also added a new scene. The scene edit was that I added a little tone to the background because it was hard to see the moonbeam phoenix's glowing light yellow colour on top of a white background. I also removed the flames from the trees, because, well, I kinda forgot that the moonbeam fire had all evolved into the phoenix, so there really shouldn't be any fire elsewhere anymore.
Oops! Storyline inconsistency!
Not that something like that would really betray the madness that is Unfettered Discord. Ah well. Happy new year.

Sassy Fish

2011-12-27T22:48:00.001-05:00

In celebration of my fancy new tablet and my fancy new paint program, I have made a fancy painting!

When I said I was going to do this, Jen said I must draw/paint a sassy fish with a top hat. I spent a lot of time testing out various tools and brushes and preliminary sketches and my previous fish looked like garbage, but I'm pretty happy with how this one turned out. I decided to stick with wet oils. Much to explore with this program, weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

By the way, for anyone interested, I painted this in Corel Painter 12.

Anyhow, this is your update for the week. Enjoy!

New Drawing Tablet!

2011-12-27T00:00:00.000-05:00

Remember tablets before tablets? That's right, prior to the iPad, a tablet meant pretty much the Wacom product line, which were these USB connected slates and you had a special pen you would use to draw with, and it would translate this info to your computer. Well they still make them, and they're still super awesome, 'cause it's hard to do precise art drawing with your finger. Not everything is about finger painting. Well, I got a brand new Wacom Intuos4 drawing tablet for Christmas and some really great painting software that I'm quite eager to try out. Problem is, the CD for some reason isn't working, so I'm downloading all the drivers which is evidently taking way way WAY too long.

Short of it is, I don't think I'll be able to produce something tonight to have an update by Tuesday like I usually do. However, I will do something ON Tuesday, so if you're patient, come back later today and you'll see another blog post with hopefully some new art (Jen has asked me to make a sassy fish with a top hat).

So tune in later! Sorry for the wait, but it's good to learn patience. So consider this my Christmas gift to you.

Slightly Orange is Social Media Compliant!

2011-12-20T00:00:00.000-05:00

In addition to updating Unfettered Discord this week, I have integrated Slightly Orange with Facebook and Google+!!! (No, not twitter yet).

Now you can "like" or "+1" any of my site's content. Underneath every animation and game screen, you can find these buttons and feel most free to click them with reckless abandon!

I'm hoping that this will create another venue in which my site's content can be shared around, and maybe increase the fanbase (especially since after my long haitus I lost a lot of people who were posting commands on Caveman Dan). So spread the love!

Oh, and you may also notice that on THIS page (to the right of the blog) I also have linked in official Google+ and Facebook "Slightly Orange" pages. It's just one other way of spreading around my site. Still not totally sure what to do with those pages, but who knows, maybe things will work out.

Keeping your site up to date FAIL

2011-12-17T14:06:00.003-05:00

So I'm heading into Toronto this weekend to visit some friends, and I was taking a look at places to eat, and "The Stockyards" restaurant was suggested to me. So I had a look at their website and clicked on their specials.

Sounds delicious eh? "NAME OF ITEM"... ohhh, my mouth is watering.. let's see the description... "loriem ipsum sedament lorierm adulus..." okay, stop right there. You had me at "loriem".

Feel free to check out the site for yourself: http://www.thestockyards.ca/
Also notice that the pages on the site are fittingly titled: "Untitled Document".

This Week's "Tuesday Update"

2011-12-13T00:00:00.000-05:00

Caveman Dan continues, right here. What else? Not much really... that uh... that about sums it up. Keep posting commands though! We definitely need more people than my sister to post commands on Caveman Dan!

Get your German on

2011-12-06T09:43:00.001-05:00

.... because it's St. Nicolas day!!!! (Please, if you aren't reading the title of this blog entry as part of the post, you best start now). As per our German tradition, we celebrate the feast of St. Nicolas who supposedly wandered around to poor people's homes and left gifts for people in their shoes or something. The part that I'm sure of is every year my parents would leave a bag for us to find outside the front door, filled with German goodies. Namely, nuts, chocolates and lebkuchen (which is a crazy German cookie which I actually never liked), and ORANGES! Clementines and the like, which come out this time of year and go on sale, were always my favourite. We just called them "Christmas oranges" because we always found them in our St. Nicolas bag, and then again in our stockings on Christmas. We celebrated Christmas about 3 times a year: St. Nicolas' day, Christmas Eve, and then Christmas Morning. You wish you were German (and also Canadian at the same time). Mixed traditions are awesome. Anyway, I bought myself a box of oranges to keep the dream alive. Really, this has zero to do with the fact that my website is "slightly orange". Just childhood memories. I just always loved how the skin peeled off so easy and the oranges were so juicy and it just has become almost synonymous with Christmas for me.... or at least St. Nicolas day.

Oh, and if you're all, hey, what about the website update this week Steve? Then you best be reading the previous post, because I posted twice today.

Delicious German Dinner

2011-12-06T00:00:00.000-05:00

Seeing as I spent all day Monday cooking for seminarians (had my group from St. Peter's come over for dinner) I didn't get around to really doing anything this week, so as I was thinking of rouladin (a german meat dish I made for the meal), I was thinking of eating. So, I made this guy who noms down a cookie. I figured if I drew rouladin, nobody would have any idea except my family what the heck is going on here. Cookies are topical. Everybody gets it. So, sorry, but this is the only update this week.

I find this very disappointing. I can do so much better. Whatevs.

ZELDA!

2011-11-29T00:00:00.000-05:00

Yes I am still a nerd. But I feel more like one now.

I rarely pre-order anything, but I am quite pleased with the arrival of my pre-ordered copy of Zelda: Skyward Sword. I'm mostly lolling at the fact that I now have a zelda-themed wii-mote. And that this is the first time I've ever said "lolling", let alone "lol". It's a nerdy feeling kind of day.

Oh, I also updated my website. I added two new screens to Caveman Dan.

I reward my loyal viewers/readers!

2011-11-22T00:00:00.000-05:00

I've done another update of Caveman Dan this week, and I'd like to urge all of you who enjoy my site to tell your friends. I'd like to get some increased readership especially since it will make the games more fun if more people are participating and adding commands. Speaking of which, feel free to add commands. Dan shall be exiting this aspect of his feelings shortly, by the way. So I got one more panel in me before I start making Dan stare at you like a hopeless, directionless soul as he remains clueless as to what actions to take if he has no commands coming his way. And you don't want to do that to poor Dan, do you? Well.. maybe you do.

Anyway, I also threw this together as an extra little treat. A bonus update, if you will. Since Michelle commented on my last post that she wanted a flaily guy. So, I animated one for her. I gave him a purple shirt, because I know Michelle loves purple. See? I reward those who post comments on my blog!

P.S. - That's actually a clickable button there, in case you didn't catch on. I embedded a flash animation in here.

Blog Changes Done!

2011-11-19T13:39:00.001-05:00

Changes complete! Finally, my blog is properly synced up with the rest of my site. Apart from that "blogger" bar at the top, which comes with the blog, oh well..

Those of you with a 1024x768 resolution won't notice any difference really...

Oh, and of course there's no crazy guy flailing his limbs on the site. But there should be. Here's a sample:

Making some changes

2011-11-16T12:56:00.001-05:00

I'm going to be working a bit on my blog design to make it as much the same as possible with the rest of my website, so for the time being, you'll notice the top links to the rest of my site are no longer there... also, the blog may look terrible from time to time as I make edits. Just a little FYI.

Is that a smile I see?

2011-11-15T00:00:00.000-05:00

Look at that beautiful smile. Who wouldn't fall in love with this adorable, balding caveman?

Okay okay, here's the Caveman Dan update.

By the way, I've noticed that nobody has yet to make use of the "save" function of the games. Just letting you know in case sometime you don't relentlessly read my blog for updates each week and you miss some, and then you're all like, where was I last in the game? Because really, if things go well some weeks I may add multiple scenes for Caveman Dan instead of just one. Anyway... maybe no one cares... Blah blah blah blah blah... etc...

More Caveman Dan

2011-11-08T00:00:00.000-05:00

Now that I'm past the hump, expect more updates like this with Caveman Dan.. I especially want to move on past the "exploring your feelings" section we're in. Mostly because I think that with all the delays that have happened with the game, that most people have forgotten what's going on in the story so far. In which case, I do recommend if you're confused, why not quickly flick through from the beginning, since there aren't a TON of scenes to go through. Even visually without reading the text, you should be able to remember basically what's happening. If anyone would like me to make a "key point" synopsis in a blog post, then just tell me in a comment below.

However, I do want to highlight that even though it seems like you guys have made some very odd commands that have led to areas such as Caveman Dan's "inner psyche of feelings", I do want to have a little fun exploring it, because I want to tell a bit more of a story so that you can get to know Dan as a character, and give him some depth. The interior character is not going to be the primary element of this game, but mostly the entertaining journey and discovery and junk, but I think we gotta at least come to learn a bit more about Dan's motivation.

Anyway, that's my two cents. So here's the next scene for Caveman Dan. Enjoy!

P.S. -- Any thoughts or comments on Caveman Dan so far? Post your comments! And also be sure to keep posting commands because that will be important for me to continue making new scenes!

Caveman Dan finally gets updated!!!!

2011-11-01T00:00:00.000-04:00

I am SO excited about this one. Mostly because Caveman Dan was really what I enjoyed doing the most. I kept putting it off because I badly wanted to animate those flames going on in the background (which you can see if you click here to see the latest installment of Caveman Dan) Then I got all caught up in Unfettered Discord and other animations and also the fact that I wanted to update some things due to the newer version of flash I now have...

Anyway... just... just enjoy that it's back.

P.S. For those who watching anime (subbed, not dubbed), this is what I call the "YOSH!" pose.

Delayed Update

2011-10-25T00:29:00.001-04:00

Sorry guys, but this week's update will be a little delayed (you may have to wait till next week) but with good cause. I am working on a Caveman Dan update which I have been planning on for a LOOONG time, but have shelved it a number of times due to some trepidation in animating fire. But I think I've nailed it... at least as much as I'd like. However, there's still some work to be done, because I was delayed....

....the cause of my delay, more importantly, is this! I present to you, the situation: That's it... right here. I invited Chris and Julie over (yes, the ones from the Ninja Turtles wedding video) for a bacon-tastic time, since they truly appreciate the culinary prowess. So I took a stab at making one of those bacon-log type dealies, only I made it with ground beef, and added my own toppings. As you can't see very well, I have some fried bacon chunks as well as sauteed onions on top of the beef, and then I added me some cheese.
That's right... THERE's the cheese.

mmmmmmmmmmm

it's at this point I decided this was the "bacon cheeseburger log.

Then, I added some barbeque sauce. Diana's honey barbeque to be exact.

Then I rolled up the beef, and then wrapped the bacon weave around it...

Barbequed and ready to serve!

It was definitely something to behold!

And then we sliced in and the three of us ate the WHOLE THING! That's right. Delicious!

Super busyman times

2011-10-18T00:06:00.003-04:00

Well, things have been super busy this week, so I did not have the time to invest in a thorough update. But as I said, by every Tuesday, SOMETHING would be updated on my site, and this week, it's my blog with a little sketch of a rather dignified horse with a glass of champagne!

How these updates are gonna work from now on...

2011-10-11T00:00:00.000-04:00

First of all, yes, there's an update, and it's a song about a shark that I nabbed off songstowearpantsto.com, which is incidentally my favourite mostly-free song website. I'll link the animation below.

What I wanted to mention is this... Slightly Orange Tuesday Updates... do not actually happen on Tuesdays.

...in truth, they never have. They've always occurred before Tuesday at some point, I just only blog about it on Tuesday... and that's how I'm gonna keep doing it. So, just in case you happen to go on my website earlier in the week, see an update, and then notice later my blog posting the latest update which you already saw a few days ago, don't be all like, "hey, that's not a new update! I already saw it!" ... you just got a jump on the week, that's all. It's still new material since the last Tuesday.

Anyway, that's all I wanted to say about that ... now enjoy a Mechanical Shark

We're All Doomed

2011-10-05T17:13:00.001-04:00

So I just read that tech has been developed for invisibility. Apparently there's these little nano-dealies that can heat up really quick and copy a similar effect of redirecting light that happens in mirages.

You heard me right, we can now make junk invisible, and it's for real. Congratulations humanity, now we are all doomed.

It's just one stop before we make all weapons and fighter planes and tanks and really angry dogs invisible, and then anybody and their favourite pooch can surprise attack and kill any of us. Then we'll have invisible nukes which will land 5 feet from you while you're humming showtunes and you won't know it until firey death ensues. Thanks for comin' out, hope you enjoyed your life.

Maybe you'll be in the park enjoying a nice sunny day, when all of a sudden, you're being eaten by an bear. And when the ranger comes in to tranq Yogi, he won't be able to find him anywhere, because he's invisible.... and he's right... BEHIND YOU! Sorry Mr. Ranger, you can thank science for making invisibility possible, and now the tech's in the hands of bears. Kiss your quiet days goodbye and huddle in a corner with your shotgun in fear.

And just so nobody thinks I'm making this up, here's the video that was posted to show the easy "on and off" switching of making these nano things invisible. And no, it doesn't have to be in water. They say it works best in water, but it works on land too.

And so on...

2011-10-04T00:00:00.000-04:00

Too lazy to put a pic on this time... here's the update, unfettered discord continues on....

enjoy!

"Adventures" games get a facelift

2011-09-27T00:00:00.000-04:00

UNACCEPTABLE!!!!

R U 4 SERIUZ?

no. Because I've only changed the coding, so it's not like I changed the visible appearance, but the interior appearance... it's more like an... organ-lift. But organs are important too!!!

The long awaited feature than all 3 of you have been moderately looking forward to has finally been added. No more losing your save game progress because your cache was deleted because now your games will be saved forever if you are logged in as a slightly orange user!!!!!!

Also, I updated Unfettered Discord (with two scenes), and I thought that this one was just fitting for being my 100th scene!!!!! between both games! I've drawn/animated 100 now... that's pretty nuts. It's been fun though!

Also, if you missed it, I have another post below explaining the other updates and asking you for your help because I love you.

Feedback

2011-09-25T22:09:00.004-04:00

Hey all!

So, not the Tuesday update yet, though I did update a little... If you have a computer screen with a resolution above 1024x768, you'll see I've added a bordering of sorts around the pages, so things look a little cleaner now. I've also made sure that my website looks good on phones and tablets. Which I doubt anyone uses other than me to view my website, but whatever.

***BUT I'D LIKE SOME FEEDBACK!!!***

Yes, since I removed a lot of content from my site which had gone so long unused and unvisited, like the forum, I'd like to know what you guys think of how I've got my site put together now, and if you have any suggestions! Especially since the forum was the main purpose for having a username on slightlyorange, I was thinking of reasons to keep them.

For one, I'm going to make saved games for caveman dan and unfettered discord saved through user logins. Not exclusively, so those of you who don't want to sign up can still save, but by logging in, you won't lose your progress when your cache is cleared.

But I'd like other ideas too. I also can give people email addresses on slighlyorange if anyone so desires. Yep, you could have whatever_you_want@slightlyorange.com!!!!!

eh? ehh? EHHH?

Different Strokes for Different Folks

2011-09-20T00:00:00.000-04:00

Today's Tuesday update is a little something I made to celebrate being off work at 4 o'clock when I was working at the mental hospital. It's mostly an inside joke... or... well it's entirely an inside joke, but I think it's a cool dance so hey, you all get to enjoy it now.

Also, try to find Kermit and the banana! If you can't, then I pity your sorry unsavvy webskills.

Oh, also, here it is.

First Tuesday Update!

2011-09-13T00:30:00.000-04:00

Well, just like I promised, here's your first Tuesday update!

I revamped the whole site (a little more needs to be done, so it's rough around the edges, but oh well) and I also added a whole new episode of ninja turtles!

Go check it out!

You will notice the fancy new graphic with the big "2" in behind there. That's 'cause after being away from doing ninja turtles episodes for so long, and the changes that have happened, I figured this is a new "season" of the show. Whatever, go watch it, unless you have already. Then watch it again.

*** fun fact: This episode was actually created for Chris and Julie's wedding and we showed it at the reception. But after creating it, I decided I should continue making more of them ***

P.S - if you were all hardcore on my site, you may have noticed that it updated yesterday evening already... well that's how these things are gonna go. I update sometime before Tuesday, then post to my blog about the completed update, on Tuesday. That's the Tuesday update.

Slightly Orange Tuesday Updates

2011-09-08T10:21:00.003-04:00

G'morning all!

So I got to thinking, since my website seems to periodically become a breeding ground for tumbleweed, I had an idea to keep it going fresh and give you a reason to visit it regularly, instead of watching it for a while, then forgetting about it until I sneak up behind you and say,
"HEY! I UPDATED MY WEBSITE FINALLY"
and then you say "AH! Don't sneak up on me like that!"
and then I'm all like, "Sorry, that was not my intention"
and then you're all, "It's okay, you just startled me"
and then I wonder, "Hey, what's for dinner?"

I'd also like everyone to note that that last paragraph was one sentence.

BUT HERE'S WHAT I'M GONNA DO!

TUESDAY UPDATES!

get it? slightly orange tuesday updates! heh heh he.. h..... ugh... sorry.

So I'm going to reorganize my website a little, and set things up with a "Tuesday Updates" section, where every Tuesday I will update SOMETHING. What? That's a mystery! Maybe an animation, maybe one of my games, maybe some other new thingy thing, who knows!? But at least you'll have something new to look at on my website every Tuesday.

I think what I will probably do is post said updates to this blog (making it easier for people who do RSS feeds etc) and then you can always go back and see what you may have missed! I'm excited! And I'll run around and tell a bunch of you (since most of you who read this or view my site I know personally) and then I'll dedicate myself to some kind of update by every Tuesday

:)

p.s. if you actually read this post, can you please post a comment below, no matter how mundane? Maybe just write your name or something? I wanna know if anyone at this point actually reads this blog. Especially since I haven't updated in forever.

Facebook Arguments Fail

2011-01-21T09:36:00.002-05:00

And this, my friends, is why I try not to bother getting into facebook debates/arguments anymore.... it just... doesn't... work.

Post for the sake of post!

2010-12-29T01:20:00.001-05:00

:o

oh noes!

I have updated my website some more! and... and you should go see how my games are doing!

also, I think I've finally got a good idea going for a new cartoon. It will be called "Tekko & The Unfortunate Panda". It will be about Tekko... a crazy guy, and an unfortunate panda, who is pretty much dragged around at Tekko's whim. This is all it is! Nothing more! That's so simple I think I can finally stick to it!

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

*presses 'publish post'*

Another New Game!

2010-06-11T20:09:00.002-04:00

So to help offset the long periods between updates of Caveman Dan, I decided to take on a project that should hopefully not require the same level of quality I have been demanding of myself when making Caveman Dan.

Why does it not require the same quality? 'Cause I just decided that's how it would be. I would pump out updates whether or not I thought they were great or to my satisfaction. Plus, this game doesn't require the same level of planning as Caveman Dan which often holds me back, because I simply just do whatever people ask me to do. Based off that concept, I thought of making a game where the players get to create their own characters, what they're like, what they do, and basically create a whole world for them to live in, completely tailored to their liking. And it's fun for me too because I get to put peoples' collaborative imagination to life.

Oh, and here's the link:
http://www.slightlyorange.com/adventures/unfettered-discord.php?g=0

So I based it off the discussion in the physics community on conditioned realities and the unconditioned reality. I'm not really touching on the unconditioned reality, but I was hoping perhaps this game could lightly touch on the notion of what it's like to condition another reality, and how that reality is dependent upon the other reality which imposed conditions on it. In other words, the drawings need a drawer. They cannot be until the drawer has made it so, and so each conditioned reality requires a less conditioned reality to provide its conditions, or else it can not be. In the end, that's why we come to the conclusion of an unconditioned reality (i.e. God) because if each conditioned reality depends on something with less conditions, eventually all realities require something with no conditions whatsoever.

Anyhow, I doubt that people will really gather this depth from the game since, it really is just a lot simpler and supposed to be just fun. So whether people learn something or have fun, either way, it's all good. Win-win.

:)

Ummmmm... so yeah, you should go play it? Ha ha, that explanation probably scared off anyone who hasn't already played it.

The Beard: The Untold Story

2010-04-13T01:07:00.001-04:00

I hadn't realized my beard was really any good for anything other than coming across as deep and thoughtful. But no, there is more than simply stroking the beard like a philosopher. Here's what happened... I went swimming.

To all you no-beards out there, I pity you greatly. I had no idea how cool is feels to swim with a long beard. The beard exhibits drag in the water so it kind of pulls on your chin and you can feel the water sifting through it in a supremely neat way. I just have to say, tis so neat feeling. I just kept swinging my face around in the water it was so cool.

Anyway, everyone who CAN experience this, totally should let that beard grow. The time is now!

Slightly Orange 2.0

2010-03-12T12:12:00.005-05:00

Wow! Does anybody read this? Probably not!

But in the event that you do, I finally launched the new updated version of my slightly orange website!

I've been wanting to do this for so long, mostly because I wanted to have an all-in-one navigation/login bar at the bottom corner of the screen, so that I could slowly increase the available options for being logged into my website.

PHP: From weaksauce to burnsauce
To make these revisions was a massive pain in the butt though. My code was as ancient as my first baby steps in PHP when my knowledge of PHP consisted in reading other peoples' code. So it was messy, full of errors, and lacking in all the cool new things I've learned since I worked in Toronto and had far more hands on involvement in PHP.

Frames vs. CSS
I got rid of the frames. Oh man... the frames. Why did I ever use frames? Now that I've learned CSS I was able to revise things accordingly and get everything converted. So I've got a clean, error free (as far as I know) website now and so I can concentrate on content updates, particularly on getting back into the swing of doing Caveman Dan.

Updates
I also made a great little updates window that just opens in the top corner of the screen when you click "updates" in the navigation bar, showing the last few updates with links to said updates. I hope people make use of that because I update my content rather sporadically between the various pages I have going on, and the updates window will make it far easier to know what's been updates.

that's it! hope you all enjoy it!

I made a game!

2009-01-07T16:27:00.002-05:00

Check it out! In order to accomplish two of my on-side, hobby related ambitions, I have created a large multiplayer game that is also kind of like a comic!

Now I can only hope to find at least a few people who are enthusiastic about playing the game and solving puzzles so I can progress this game toward its conclusion!

So I'd like you all to check out my website, notably the "Adventures!" section (http://www.slightlyorange.com/adventures/) and try your hand at playing Caveman Dan!

It's already somewhat underway, so you should be able to get the idea of how it works. Hope you enjoy! Tell your friends!

Quotable quotes

2008-10-17T11:49:00.002-04:00

I found an old sheet with some quotes that I like. So I thought I might share them:

"Bootlaces:
Once I looked down at my bootlaces
        Who gave me my bootlaces?
The bootmaker? Bah!
Who gave the bootmaker himself?
What did I ever do that I should be
        given bootlaces?"
                                     - G.K. Chesterton

"Often when near sleep I happen to think of some serious problem and I may say to myself, 'I must speak to the Pope about this.' And then, completely awake, I remember that I am the Pope"
                                                                        - Pope John Paul II

Yeah that's it.. I just enjoyed them.
But I also found some of my poetry from quite a time ago. So I wanted to share the shortest poem I ever wrote:

The Tide Sleeps No More
A wake.

Companions of the Cross: The Beginning

2008-08-18T07:36:00.005-04:00

Only just a couple days ago, I joined the Companions of the Cross, an Ottawa-based, religious community of priests. Things are going well so far, and we've been having a lot of fun and learning a bunch about what the Companions are all about. The biggest thing they're about, I'd say, is community. That and evangelizing. Now you know if you didn't!

Yesterday, we went to a private cottage owned by the companions, which was apparently donated somewhere along the line. It was fantastic! Just some good ol' lakefront cottaging. We went fishing, canoeing, swimming, and had a barbeque. Good times!

Anyway, I'm gonna end it at that. I was gonna write a whole bunch and post pictures and stuff, but I'll leave that for later when I have more time. If anyone has any questions, then just post your comments in the form of a question! More to come when I have more time!

Reflections over the past

2008-05-18T09:31:00.003-04:00

I had an interesting time trip last night. I watched a rather somber short video, which evoked many interesting memories and feelings I had long forgotten. I recalled the time when I rather generally believed in God, but He was hardly a part of my life. It was an experience when every day was just another day to plug through, trying to ignore the inevitable tragedy of an adulthood of routine, working solely to get by. I tried to find something I was good at and that I enjoyed so that work wouldn't be a hassle, but really my main purpose in life was to have a wife and kids, and that somehow that relationship would solve all the other problems. I was so desperately seeking out someone to love, and to be loved myself. Among some of my friends I noticed that they would say, "oh I'm so happy for you" to someone who has found anything which might make them think they're happy. It didn't matter if they personally thought that it was not a good thing, such as someone getting into an obviously hurtful relationship, yet still they would say, "oh I'm so happy for you". These words were oft said to me along my path of mistakes. But in many ways, I had the same sentiment for others. Or at least, I covered things that way. Generally speaking, just so long as someone had something that gave them something resembling a sense of happiness was therefore good enough. I did not realize that there are things which may result in some kind of pleasure, but not in actual happiness. Happiness endures and pervades the being with peace. But pleasure is only a temporary enjoyment of something.

What amazes me is how incredibly far my sense in life now is from my sense back then. It was so weird recalling those feelings I had in the past, because they couldn't be farther from the truth today. Now my heart weeps with love for God, and I want to serve and help people out of that abundant love given to me. I'm not looking for a relationship with a person to make myself feel better, or for a job to try help the days go by. It actually makes little difference what I am doing. I could be laying on a street with no food and no home in the pouring rain without so much as a blanket to cover me, and still I would have that happiness in my heart, and that joy and love. Granted, I would be struggling of course, I'm not going to lie that it would be a walk in the park to live like that, but in a very basic and simple sense, I would still be happy.

It is hard to describe the peace I feel. And I so long to share my joy with others. When I see how I felt in the past and how I feel now, all of the questions and worries I had are, in the current light, irrelevant. They don't even apply as questions to be raised in the first place. And I hear people asking me these very same questions all the time, and I want to say, "please, just get to know God and trust in Him, you'll see everything else will fall in its place". But alas, this is not always understood, and it really can't be understood until one has experienced it. I hope that anyone who may be reading this who does not know what I mean, might give it a try. What have you to lose? You can seek out that relationship in private, so nobody needs to know, though once you develop the relationship, you will want people to know. But anyone please, I urge you, do not feel shy to speak with me if you would like some support. Even if you just want to talk, at any given time you have the freedom to change your mind. The commitment is personal. I just want to share my joy with you.

And please, no one needs to tell me they are happy for me that I am so happy. Think rather how you can draw closer to that happiness yourself. Even if you have experienced it, we can always go further. Let us therefore spur each other on further into victory, and help direct one another away from the problems we might see them walking into. For a friendship that is willing to disagree for the sake of that person, and not support in making mistakes, is a real friendship.

Which, as a side note, is also why I tell people to feel free to disagree and challenge me on my beliefs. Attack my faith and my life straight out, I can only learn from it. Even if a person could be mistaken in their assessment of one's actions or beliefs, they should still vocalize them, because that conviction shows you actually want that person's happiness, and not simply that they experience pleasure for a moment, and then get hurt for it.

Paul Sanders, here's to you...

2008-02-16T11:13:00.005-05:00

As those of you who know me already know by now, my good friend Paul Sanders died on February 2nd, 2008.

I just wanted to post the video tribute I made for the funeral reception, as well as the eulogy I gave at the funeral, since it seems these have helped many people get through this tough time.

Eulogy:

       Everyone here has been affected by Paul in one way or another. We’ve been struck by his zealousness, conviction of faith, determination, and yes, even his eccentricity. Paul was not willing to compromise with his beliefs, and you all certainly know how committed he was to the protection of the unborn. He was a man of great charity, helping the hungry and the homeless, adopting a Franciscan way of life. Some of us wondered if he would forever be a wanderer. But perhaps, like Christ, he was not made for this world and simply had no place to rest his head. When we were younger Paul said he wanted his occupation to be a professional hobo. Looks like he won. But Paul was just a great guy who could make you laugh, sometimes drive you nuts, but always there to support, comfort, and offer words of wisdom. We loved him, and we know we were loved by him.

       So the question on many of our minds is “why so young?” Why was he taken from us at such a young age? I had always thought someday he and I would become priests together and concelebrate the Mass. He was such a good, solid Catholic with an amazing future ahead of him, so why now?

       Why not now? He is now a good and solid Catholic with the heavenly kingdom before him! Now he may rest on the bosom of our Lord God, and experience the immediacy of the Holy Mass in its fullness! He needs no longer wait for the Body of Christ to lay upon his tongue, that he may consume the host to experience Heaven, but it is he who is consumed by the Almighty Love of God—Heaven present all around him.

       However, even though we may know this, it is still difficult for us all to bear. In an earthly sense, Paul has left us, and by that physical separation, we might find ourselves uncertain of what to do next. Sorrow pierces our hearts, and we may feel anxious, angry, aimless, and confused. When Jesus physically left the apostles, they too were uncertain of what to do next. So what did they do? They gathered in the upper room to pray with Jesus’ Mother. They waited on the Lord to instruct them in their time of trial and difficulty. The Holy Spirit then descended upon them as tongues of fire, and their mission became clear. The Advocate gave them the words and the strength to move forward in God’s Holy Will. So too, if we go up to pray with Our Lady, will there be an outpouring of the Holy Spirit: gifts of Wisdom, Understanding, Knowledge, Reverence, Courage, and Wonder & Awe. We have already seen such amazing fruit within only one week, as we have read in articles, the internet support groups, the overall uniting of those who have been touched by Paul during his life, and some have even felt the initiative to return to the Church. Paul continues to serve, even in death.

       I would like to conclude that it is no coincidence that Paul died on the feast of the Presentation of the Lord. His earthly mother Mary presented him to the Lord when he was born, and now that Paul is born into new life, his spiritual Mother Mary presents him to the Lord.

       Paul Sanders, may you forever live in the peace of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ. Do not grow weary or let your zeal become thin, but continue your mission—even now—where you can do far more for the injustices against the unborn, the poor, the needy, and the suffering, than you ever could in your earthly life.

Take THAT Epistemology!

2007-12-22T18:44:00.000-05:00

The whole theory of knowledge thing can be quite the annoyance at times. Thanks to thinkers like Descartes and his meditations, a whole stream of atheism was spawned by instilling philosophy's greatest enemy: doubt. It's not like doubt is a bad thing, it's actually quite good because it helps us to better know what's true and what is not. But it is not helpful if scepticism is taken too far, and we question the possibility of knowledge at all by setting the standards of "authentic" knowledge too high.

And then my "would-be" good friend, G. K. Chesterton (were he born in the 20th and not the 19th Century) says something so ridiculously intelligent, as always.

So to all you out there who are confused about knowledge, or who think that faith is opposed to knowledge... this is what I call, "the trust of knowledge":

"Bowing down in blind credulity, as is my custom, before mere authority and the tradition of the elders, superstitiously swallowing a story I could not test at the time by experiment or private judgment, I am firmly of the opinion that I was born on the 29th of May, 1873, on Campden Hill, Kensington; and baptised according to the formularies of the Church of England in the little church of St. George opposite the large Waterworks Tower that dominated that ridge."

That's from his autobiography. Paul Sanders pointed me to it. But I think it's good for us to think about trust in authority, because we seem to think that we figure everything out all on our lonesome, yet it really comes down to being at least formed under the tutelage of a good master. You just gotta know who is worth trusting.

Do old ladies find you charming?

2007-11-22T00:15:00.000-05:00

So Andrew pointed out today that apparently I am charming to older ladies.

I was in Harvey's today with him, and we were standing in line, and ahead of us in a curved portion of the line were 3 older women (by that I mean, probably in their 40s or so, Andrew thinks one was in her 60s). I was playing around with my umbrella and it slipped and fell to the floor. Not flinching, I simply looked down at the fallen umbrella, bemused, and one of the women remarked in a playful manner, "well now you got everybody's attention". I smiled, picked up the umbrella and announced to the lineup, "well I just wanted everyone to realise that I am here, and I have an umbrella!"

I thought nothing more of the matter other than being kind of amusing, but Andrew was astonished and asked me afterward what happened. Apparently, the very moment I dropped that umbrella, before any commentary happened, these three women looked at me as though in love with me (in the sense that they connected and enjoyed me as a person, not in the romantic sense). I said, "oh, well maybe that's 'cause of my comments" and he said, "no! no! it was before all that. They were all totally responding to you! What did you do?"

ha ha ha ha ha!

What makes this more amusing is that this isn't the first time. A few years ago, to give an example, when I worked at the newspaper publisher, the women often made remarks about how I was only getting away with certain things I said or did because I was "too cute", or something like that. I remember I once was blanking out when a woman was explaining something she wanted me to do because I just didn't understand it, and, well I'm not proud of it, but I do that sometimes. Well she looks at me and says, "you know if you don't understand, you could just say so, but don't just ignore me" and then I must have reacted visually somehow to what she said, and I don't know if I smiled or was embarrassed or what I did, but then she reacted to me, as though defeated by something I did and said, "oh alright..." and started to walk back to her desk, "you know Steve, you can't expect to keep getting away with these things because of your charm and those looks". I was in total shock. What the heck was going on? More importantly, if I have this power over older women, then how on earth am I doing it? I want to exploit it!

Ha ha ha, I'm kidding of course. Though it is a tangled mystery to me and I would really like to know what this is I'm doing, and why it's only older women and never (or rarely) the younger ones!
This would have also been a really useful gift to have when I was actually looking to pursue women. Well... that is... if I worked out the kinks with the whole "older" women issue.

ah well. Onward! To priesthood! Huzzah!

This Is My Body - The Devil Mocks God With His Own Words

2007-11-20T17:00:00.000-05:00

Here's a little article by Fr. Frank Pavone which I saw someone on facebook posted. I wanted to share it with you all.

_____________________________________________________________

Did you ever realize that the same four words that were used by the Lord Jesus to save the world are also used by abortion advocates? "This is my body." Simple words spoken from opposite ends of the universe, with meanings that are directly contrary to each other.

Scripture tells us that on the night before he died to save all people, Jesus took bread, blessed it, broke it, and gave it to his disciples, saying, "This is my body, which is given up for you." He was pointing to what would happen the next day, when he would give up that same body on the cross. He sacrifices himself so that we may live. He gives up his body so that he can destroy the power of sin and death. As a result, he welcomes us into his life, into his kingdom. He makes us members of his body.

On the other hand, abortion supporters say, "This is my body, so don’t interfere with it. It’s mine, I can do what I want, even to the point of killing the life within it. All is secondary to my dominion over my body." In fact one abortion supporter has written, "I say their [pro-lifers’] God is worth nothing compared to my body" (Michelle Goldberg, "Rant for Choice," University of Buffalo, New York, student newspaper, 1995). This attitude accounts for the ability of a growing number of abortion supporters to admit that the procedure takes a human life and yet to defend its legality anyway.

"This is my body"—same words, opposite results. Christ gives his body away so others might live. Abortion supporters cling to their own bodies so others might die.

"God did not make death," Scripture tells us, "and he does not delight in the death of the living. . . . But through the devil’s envy death entered the world" (Wis. 1:13; 2:24). Notice the envy. Human beings were made in God’s very image and likeness, and, since the devil knows he cannot destroy God, he is content to do the closest thing: destroy God’s image—that is, human beings.

The devil does this by mocking God. Satan knows his dark kingdom has been robbed of its power (see Heb. 2:14) by the very words our Lord spoke, "This is my body. " Therefore, the devil therefore takes particular delight in using those same words against God. It is as though he says to Christ, "You used those words to give life to the world—I will use them to take life away!"

A wise man was once asked, "If you could do anything, what would you do?" He answered, "I would restore words to their original meaning." The word "love" is perhaps most in need of such restoration, for it is the most misused, abused, and confused word in the English language. We use it to indicate vastly different types of good things ("I love ice cream," "I love my dog," "I love my wife," "I love God"). We also hear the word distorted to apply to evils such as adultery, homosexual activity, euthanasia, and even abortion.

We find the authentic meaning of the word "love" in the Word of God. John writes, "By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us; and we ought to lay down our lives for the brethren" (1 John 3:16). In giving his body, Christ teaches the meaning of love: I sacrifice myself for the good of the other person. Abortion teaches the opposite of love: I sacrifice the other person for the good of myself.

Understanding the significance of these four words enables us to answer those who admit that abortion kills a baby and say it should be legal anyway. The abortion controversy is, indeed, deeper than the controversy over when life begins or whether or not abortion destroys a living, human child. The controversy is also over what the meaning of our freedom is, why we have our bodies, and why we have our lives.

The answers to these questions lie in the mystery of freely giving away our lives, our bodies, ourselves in love to one another and to God. Christ declares, "Do this in memory of me." He calls us to do what he did, and that is precisely how we reverse the dynamic of abortion. Mom and Dad must say to their child, "This is my body, my life, given for you," rather than, "This is my body, my life, so go away!"

It has been said that the false god transforms suffering into violence, while the true God transforms violence into suffering. The false god takes the fear and confusion that can arise from a pregnancy, or from a terminal illness, and uses it to tempt a person to the violence of abortion or euthanasia. The Lord Jesus, on the other hand, teaches us to stand in the midst of the culture of death and to be lightning rods, ready to absorb violence and transform it by the power of love into personal sacrifice and suffering that gives life.

Human happiness and fulfillment are never found by pushing other people out of the way. They are found when we push ourselves out of the way. Living the words "This is my body" in a self-giving way enlightens not only the abortion controversy but also the teachings of the Church regarding contraception, divorce, adultery, and many related problems.

As the Holy Father has often pointed out, the human body has its own language. What happens in the body matters, because the human person is not just a spirit. (That is the heresy of gnosticism.) Good intentions and a "good heart" are not enough. Rather, the Christian recognizes that he is (not merely has) a body, accepts that bodily life, possesses it as a gift which is guarded by self-control and virtue, and then in giving himself away in love allows that aspect of self which is the body to express that gift.

Therefore, the words "This is my body, given up for you" summarize—in different but related ways—what spouses say to spouses, what parents say to their children, what priests and bishops say to their flocks, and what we all are called to say to each other.

Pope John Paul II says as much in Evangelium Vitae:

"He who had come ‘not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many’ (Mk. 10:45), attains on the cross the heights of love: ‘Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends’ (John 15:13). And he died for us while we were yet sinners (cf. Rom. 5:8).

"In this way Jesus proclaims that life finds its center, its meaning, and its fulfillment when it is given up. At this point our meditation becomes praise and thanksgiving and at the same time urges us to imitate Christ and follow in his footsteps (cf. 1 Ptr. 2:21).

"We too are called to give our lives for our brothers and sisters, and thus to realize in the fullness of truth the meaning and destiny of our existence" (EV 51).

"This is my body." It is no accident that the same words are used for such different purposes. A spiritual conflict rages here. We win, in our own lives and in the world, by living these words in self-giving, life-giving love.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fr. Frank Pavone is the national director of Priests for Life (P.O. Box 141172, Staten Island, New York 10314; phone: 888-PFL-3448, 718-980-4400; fax: 718-980-6515; e-mail: pfl@priestsforlife.org; web: www.priestsforlife.org).

The world is in our home

2007-11-07T11:26:00.000-05:00

I must confess, I've been reading G. K. Chesterton on the side in addition to my sudden piling up of studies. So I wanted to share a bit about that, and my reflections of it in my own life.

In his book, "Heresies", Chesterton talks about the importance of family, as well as neighbour. It is interesting how many people flee from their homes to get away from their problems. It's different altogether to move on because we feel called to move in that way, or that there is some need we can be used for, which is often the excuse I suppose we would often make. What I mean, however, is the way in which we might desire to start anew, elsewhere, because we cannot deal with the immediate and local problems at hand. We flee. But it's not that we flee because, as Chesterton writes, we don't find home to be very exciting, but because we find home to be a great deal too exciting. Out there, elsewhere, wherever it is that we go to "get away from it all" and "experience something new" we are looking to discover the world, but it is precisely this world that is directly in our very own home, and indeed all we are doing is precisely that: "to get away from it all"—to get away from reality. Life is challenging. Because we are so prideful and often deem ourselves of a greater value than any other person, we seek to not even bother with such complications and "find ourselves" by seeking out comfort, ease, and avoidance of difficulty. But, again, as Chesterton writes: "It is exactly because our brother George is not interested in our religious difficulties, but is interested in the Trocadero Restaurant, that the family has some of the bracing qualities of the commonwealth. It is precisely because our uncle Henry does not approve of the theatrical ambitions of our sister Sarah that the family is like humanity. The men and women who, for good reasons and bad, revolt against the family, are, for good reasons and bad, simply revolting against mankind. Aunt Elizabeth is unreasonable, like mankind. Papa is excitable, like mankind. Our youngest brother is mischievous, like mankind. Grandpapa is stupid, like the world; he is old, like the world."

It is through difficulty and struggle that we are crushed like wheat, kneaded and pressed and made malleable; that our fibres are broken down so they are no longer tough and resistant. It is by these pressures, sufferings, dying to self and giving up to the Infinite Will, that we are made ready to become prepared as an excellent bread and fitting meal. There's a reason why family is the institution under which we learn and grow. We are born into a social setting we did not choose, that we did not ask for, yet are compelled to love, in spite of the battles, the harsh words, and the disagreements—that is, we learn unconditional love. This applies also when it comes to neighbour. It is the same with neighbour. Although we do choose where we live, our neighbour is who is much more immediate than the wideness of the world. There's a good reason God talks about having love of neighbour. He made our neighbour and to avoid them, again, is to avoid our problems, and to seek out only those with whom we are more comfortable.

When we try to avoid other people instead of dealing with them and treating them as equals, we are looking only to be affirmed in ourselves. Here's the tendency: we avoid certain people because we find them intolerable. We then surround ourselves with like-minded people who provide no opposition. We seek out the easy, the comfortable, the unchallenging. Essentially, we're looking to be confirmed in our present state. We're looking for a mirror of ourselves. We live in a world that is altogether too small. With the communication and technological revolutions, it is now easier than ever to find whomever we want in an instant. This is why the social skills today are so incredibly lacking. Because if I don't want to deal with the problems at home, at school, or at work, I simply need to depart from there and travel via internet connection to some remote forum group which agrees with me in everything I say. This is easy, and in this manner, we don't have to try. Being social, and loving others is a difficult task! It would be easy, of course, if everyone also loved, but that is not our present situation, and so if we are not willing to step above this situation, we will retreat from it, retreat from confrontation, from effort, from suffering, and from any hope of producing any kind of FRUIT. It's a spiritual sloth from which absolutely no growth can take place and no fruit can be produced without the effort and willingness that goes into it! Until we meet one another as equals, and learn to stand in the face of opposition and love anyway (obviously by the grace of God, that goes without saying) we will be rendered inactive, spiritually lazy in a sort of atrophy whereby our spiritual limbs are not even so advanced as the baby who flails their limbs uncontrollably. We are as dead.

I speak, of course, in hyperbole, (the most extreme sense) to reflect upon my life and where I have done the same thing, and so that you may also do the same. I have come to realise the instances in which I have retreated from my problems instead of learning to love completely 100%, but only to put in a portion of love, so long as it was convenient to me. So in these matters I have limited myself in growth, until such time that God thrust me into more difficult situations from which I could not run and was, in a sense, forced to deal with. I began by not dealing with it, and retreating, but once I realised it got me absolutely nowhere, I started to understand why dedication and consistency are so necessary and vital in the prayer life, even when it's hard, even when spiritually pressed. God removes His presence and certain familiar graces from us to sharpen our will and make us more vigilant. By making us have to work for the relationship, we grow in love, and thereby in unity and closeness to Almighty God. Thus our neighbour, and our brother, sister, parents, children and relatives, are all there as an earthly sign and reflection of the heavenly relationship. Relationship is hard and must be worked at. For faith without works is barren, and if we do not prove our worth in action, we find that in heart, we really had no faith at all.

Costume Fantastico '07

2007-10-31T15:47:00.000-04:00

It's that time again! Though there were not as many costumes this year, good times were had, and I was pleased to go all out for what is likely my last opportunity to really dress up on Halloween.

So with out further ado, CHECK IT OUT!

Andrew and Nicole gut the ginormous pumpkin in hopes to find the hidden treasure! .... pumpkin guts!

You like pumpkin? Well? DO YOU!?!?!

Yes, that is correct, Nicole's head AND arm are actually in that pumpkin.

Wow, I.... I don't think I can say anything this picture doesn't say...

Nicole has never experienced such depth of pumpkin before

Nicole figured she could blast off if she got the angle right

One arm... one purpose.

Now if I can ... just... reach... my pop tarts...

He never speaks... yet "the king" says so much to our hearts...

Spider monkey contemplates the effects of grape crush applied to a stove burner

"..."

You'd think he'd be saying "eeeehhhhhhhhhhhh!"... But no. Still eerie silence.

"the king" is gentle to woodland creatures. Even those with rippling biceps and washboard abs.

Presenting: Pumpkincole! Pumkin hat-lid sold separately.

"Hey Paul, where are we going?"

"I don't know Nicole, but my pecs are flaring up again"

"No... it can't be... is it...?"

"Yes, I think it is. Also this pumpkin shell is tasty when you give it the chance"

"It's Wendy's! We're here!"

Nicole: way too excited to be going to Wendy's with "the king"

As a break from the usual, "the king" stares deeply into your soul.

Nicole thought it was good times.

Well there you go! That's it! Okay, I lie, there's actually a LOT more, but it seemed there were more videos taken than photos, so I'm gonna work on some editing and we shall have some delicious videos when I can get around to it. WITHHOLD YOUR EXCITEMENT!

Back in London!

2007-09-16T09:29:00.001-04:00

So I'm no longer in Toronto, though I am still a DSM employee!
I'm actually back in school in London and working on the side via the magical net (the inter one). This is not really recent news. I've just been lazy in "blogging". And why shouldn't I? I don't see YOU doing anything about it! Maybe you should think about that first! Huh?

The System is Down

2007-07-23T13:35:00.000-04:00

So I'm at work.

NOT working.

I've been here all day, currently it is 1:40pm, and the server's been down and when it's not down, then the database is down, and when it's not down, something else is probably down. In conclusion, nothing... nothing works. So I'm just sittin' around here, visiting random websites, complaining to my co-workers, and now writing in my blog. (That is, after a short visit to facebook!)
I am just so amazed that I could get so tired from doing nothing. But that's how it is I guess.

On a vaguely more interesting note, we hired John. Yep. He's right here behind me. Lookin.

That's what we do when there's nothing to do.
the end.

Gotta have faith? Yes.

2007-07-22T09:16:00.000-04:00

Regarding my previous post, I thought I should clarify something first, just in case anyone gets confused, as I often forget not everyone knows the prelude to the thoughts I write.

Before one can get to servitude, one must start with faith. And to have faith, one must start with prayer. (Prayer being communication with God, in whatever form that might take... not necessarily formal prayers). It is absolutely fruitless to enter into service unless God appoints the service. We can go out and do a lot of "good" things, but God may be saying, "well that's great and all, but it isn't exactly what I had planned for you". And where we make our efforts to serve where it is not God working through us, our efforts will inevitably be fruitless, even if at first they may seem like they have brought forth fruit. So without faith, without an initial love for God, one cannot enter into a service that leads towards a complete sacrificial love.

I guess though that should have been a bit obvious as why would one want to serve to become a sacrifice for God if they didn't first.. well... WANT to become a sacrifice for God. Ha ha. So maybe my words here are unnecessary.

Though I do think it's a good point to ponder, as we often go out doing "good deeds" and do not necessarily think as to whether that is the good deed that God desires us to do. And to serve others, one must first serve God, so that one might see God in others, and serve Him there. We must do God's appointed work for us, not our own. Going back to that passage with Peter and Jesus, we can see that it is Jesus who is appointing Peter with the service before him. It is Jesus who gave Peter the keys to heaven. It was Jesus who gave Peter authority to bind and lose in heaven what he binds and looses on earth. And clearly Peter is not given an authority that supercedes God's will, but rather one that fulfills God's will. This is why the Pope cannot declare something and change God's will. But rather through the Pope, God's will for us is revealed, since that office is only one of servitude of God's appointed tasks.

in conclusion, good morning everybody!!!

Servitude leads to sacrifice

2007-07-11T12:19:00.000-04:00

I was meditating today on.... wait... what was I meditating on?

well the point is, here's what I got out of it that I'd like to share.
If you're like me, it's hard to offer yourself like a true sacrifice to God. By this I mean, that completely within, to make a sacrificial offering, surrendering entirely to the Lord's divine will in ALL things. Ha ha.. okay, I guess those who are truly there are few and far between.

But I was thinking about Peter, and his response to the cross. If you recall Peter's denial of Christ, we can see he was not accepting of the cross. The people asked him if he knew Jesus, and his denial was to protect himself, because he was unwilling to accept the sacrifice required of being identified with Jesus.
He did not yet love Jesus sacrificially.
This doesn't mean he did not love Jesus. He most certainly did, just like many of us do. We love Jesus, but only to a point... are we really willing to give absolutely everything, or is there a point at which we say, "that's enough"?

Fast forward to when Jesus asked Peter 3 times if he loved Him. This is a twofold situation... First, this was an opportunity of reparation for having denied Christ 3 times. Secondly, by looking at the original text we see something deeper. In the original Greek there is more than one word for love. When Jesus asked, "Peter, do you love me?" the word love meant "sacrificial love". Peter replied, "yes Lord, I love you", but here Peter used love in the "brotherly love" sense. Peter said he loved Jesus as one loves a human, but not as one that loves God in the sacrificial way. Another time Jesus poses the same question and Peter gives the same response, but the last time, Jesus asks if Peter even so much as loves him in a brotherly sense. This is why Peter is upset in response and says, "of course you know I love you" (in the brotherly sense). Jesus wants Peter to go further, to have the sacrificial love he lacked when he denied Jesus 3 times. But there's another important thing to notice here. Every time Peter replied that he had a brotherly love for Jesus, then the Lord's reply was always, "feed my sheep". Jesus seems to be telling Peter that because he does not yet have this sacrificial love, the way to have it, is to serve—to feed God's sheep. This means that for anyone who really wants to go all the way and give their lives to God, the way to grow in love is to serve. Then service will grow into sacrifice, and we may be like Peter by the time of his death, who was also crucified.

Let us never run from the cross. It is painful, of course it is, but it is the path of the truest love... and if we want to live forever in love, it is the cross where we must run toward, and not away from. And we can do this by serving one another.

Dead bat! I mean... um... something else!

2007-07-05T21:23:00.000-04:00

So I saw a dead bat for the first time today. On the side of the road.

What a note on which to start my first blog entry in a long time...

SO!
As many of you already know, I have been working in Toronto for the past month, programming and designing graphics and the like. So far I have not succeeded in mastering space and time, just posting dinosaur comics around the office walls.

I've also been having a lot of ideas for my website which you may have noticed. I've added a "slightly orange account", which is not too different from the user profile for the forum, aside from the fact that the template has changed and it will soon extend to allow for posting comments on the animations. Also I've added a section for listening to some of my music, and I'll get that up and running soon.

OH!

and I'm reading a most excellent book! For those of you wanting to learn more about Christ or to deepen your faith, totally go pick up "Life of Christ" by Bishop Fulton J. Sheen. What a brilliant man, he totally just opens up the scriptures. Quite marvellous.

Way to go, Adam and Eve

2007-02-21T14:06:00.000-05:00

Today is Ash Wednesday. It's a time where we recall the fall of man... the time when Adam and Eve decided to pluck the forbidden fruit from the tree, eat of it, and usher sin upon the world. Good work you two. Well done. From dust to dust: we were made from dust, and because of that sin, we return to dust, unless we enter into the resurrection of Christ and are born into the life of the New Adam (Jesus).

So I got to thinking... to all you vegetarians out there who think that eating animals is wrong, if only Adam and Eve had just feasted upon suckling pig instead, then they would have never got into this mess! I mean come on! Delicious roasted pig, mmmmmmm tasty. But no, let's go eat of the fruit of the knowledge of good and evil. That sounds like a larf.

The previous is simply a farce, and should not be taken seriously or literally. I love vegetarians, even though I think they'd be a lot happier with a big steak on their plate, but please don't try to read this post as theological, except for maybe the first paragraph. Some assembly required. Batteries not included. Those who cannot read this clause should get glasses or copy and paste this text into an editor and increase the size. If that's what you did, then kudos to you.

Unexpected Suffering

2007-02-20T16:27:00.000-05:00

It's been a long time since I've posted. I sort of forgot about this blog, got busy with exams, got busy with life in general. Oh well, it's not like this blog is a necessary aspect of my life.

So, I just wanted to share a little of what's been happening with me, by sending it out into the vast void of the internet where it may or may not be read by anyone. I feel as though the closer I come to joining a religious community, that the further from God I become. I never imagined things to become confusing in this sort of a manner, and has resulted in a rather unexpected suffering. I suppose the more I try to give my life to God, it is as though I have grown far further from ever achieving this. My whole being rebels against me, and the interior battles have turned me towards some level of hopelessness, which is bizarre, because hopelessness is not really my style, and it's not something I thought I'd ever feel compelled towards. Yet here I am, experiencing it to some degree, despite knowing full well intellectually that my feelings are not grounded in truth. Feelings are a funny thing... I didn't imagine such peculiar battles of emotion/disposition versus intellect.

So what am I saying? Well, mostly I feel like a giant hypocrite... I know many of the things I OUGHT to be doing, yet it at the very least feels like I am not following at all what I ought to be. I don't know what to make of this, as I'm having trouble reconciling how I simply feel and how things actually are, so I am in the dark on the subject. And I know... I know that the devil is behind this and is trying to destroy me, but the difficulty is I can't really see whether he is succeeding or not, making it very hard for me to know how to fight him.

So yeah, essentially I'm just in some sort of a mess, and I feel so unworthy to give advice to others because I always feel at the same time that I'm saying, "here's what you should do... I'm not doing it, and I feel hopeless in my ability to succeed, but you go do what I'm not doing and what I ought to do". I hope that in this time I do not disillusion anyone else, or pull someone else away from God because of my mess. It's hard not knowing what's going on.

Prayers please?

True Devotion

2007-01-09T02:55:00.000-05:00

I'm so very excited in many ways to have returned to school. I was in a bit of a rough spot there for a while, and I'm very thankful for others, because I find myself to be rather destructive when I'm going solo.

The good news is, I'm back into the swing of things and I'm hunting for a job again. Also, I'm glad to be back together with the bible study group at King's, and I've actually decided to start a new group that will study more Marian doctrine since our bible study is protestant, and, quite frankly, I really want to delve into the good stuff and not pussyfoot around on all this "halfway there" theology. (No offense to protestants, I love you guys, but there's just such a wealth of knowledge in the Catholic Church and I'm mighty hungry!)

So our new group (which I definitely won't put in conflict with the previous bible study) will essentially be reading over St. Louis de Montfort's book, "True Devotion", which explains how to have a rightly ordered and wholly good devotion to Mary, and consequently, to Christ as well. It's fantastic and I can't wait to go over it with my friends because it'll bring us closer together, bring us all closer to Mary and thus closer to Christ, and it will keep me out of trouble and force me to do something active and useful outside of class.

I also find it neat because this will be the first thing I've ever completely organized and run by myself and instigated by myself (well, inspired by the Holy Spirit of course, I just mean there was no one else pushing for it or trying to convince me to do it). So this'll be a learning experience for me too.

And um... why might you all care about this random piece of my life? I really don't know... I'm just excited and writing about it... you're the one reading it!

Trinity - Family

2007-01-04T18:47:00.000-05:00

I got into a bit of a debate lately with people who don't actually debate, but ignore the previously discussed information and continue to declare their correctness in the matter. Kind of like children saying, "nuh-uh!" and feeling satisfied that this is proof enough.

So I thought I'd share with you all a little bit about the Trinity, because I've been reading up more about it lately, and well, it's just so cool!!!

Okay, so God is three persons, but one God, right? What do these terms mean? A person is the individual substance (essence) of a rational nature. Okay well actually that's a bit of an insufficient explanation because it breaks down in some fundamental ways (I still need to learn more) But it'll do for now, since I'm speaking very simply. A human, for example, happens to be a type of being that is a person.
What is a being? Well anything that exists as a whole, essentially. A human, for instance, is a being, a dog is a being, a rock is a being, etc...

God is also a being. But has 3 persons. If it sounds like this makes no sense, consider that we know of beings that have no persons, such as a rock, and a being that has one person, such as people, and so we know beings and persons are not synonymous.

Furthermore, the Trinity (God) is a family, in and of Himself. This is how it can be that God is love itself. Think about it... how can God be love, unless He has someone to love? Because we surely didn't always exist, and so if God created us out of love, He could not have created us so that He MAY love, because that would make Him dependent on our existence for His essence.
So God is, in the 3 persons, the Lover, the Beloved, and the Fruit of that love. (Father, Son, Holy Spirit). That's why we are created in God's image! When we come together as a family, the parents are the lover and beloved, and the two become "ONE FLESH" (see Genesis 2:24, echoed also in Matthew 19:5, Ephesians 5:31, etc..) from which is produced a new life that came from the love of the couple—the child also physically made up partially of the parents. So the three, in the family, are reflecting one being, yet they are 3 persons!!! Doesn't that set your heart on fire???

...oh, and also, for those of you who may be at all like my so-called "debators", God does NOT have a sexual relationship with Himself. I thought it was a given that our families are a REFLECTION of God, but not a replication. *cough cough*

What have YOU been up to all year?

2007-01-01T00:18:00.000-05:00

Well I can't believe it... thus far I've spent the majority of the year 2007 driving to pick up pizza and writing in my blog! And in 2007 they put bacon STRIPS on the Hawaiian pizza! What's going on? 2007 is a creepy year thus far!

Mastering Space & Time... 2nd Trial

2006-12-30T21:10:00.000-05:00

It's that time of year again! It's Steve's New Year's party where we're totally going to attempt to master both time and space. We were fairly successful in our previous attempt, but I gotta say, to all of you who keep backing out from my party, you're missing out on some seriously monumental stuff.

Ha ha... ah yes. So if any of you out there are thinking how awesome it would be to come party down in Steve's parent's abode, just give me a call or an email and you're more than welcome to join us. Good times most seriously will be had. We even might break out into a mad round of haikus! Woah woah, okay I don't want to spoil it!

So, those of you coming to Mass with us, be at Immaculate Conception Parish by 5pm for the New Year's Eve (Feast of Mary, Mother of God) Mass (what better way to kick things off?) And we'll be back at my place at about 6:30... so for those of you coming after Mass, please have eaten beforehand. That would spare me the need to get food for all.. but for those of you coming to Mass, we'll work out some sort of dinner thing.

remember... GOOD TIMES!?

...on the Feast of Stephen

2006-12-26T21:18:00.000-05:00

It's the Feast of St. Stephen! My saint's day!

all of you, go now and read Acts 6:9 to the end of chapter 7.
be filled with love and awe at the incredible witness of this saint. God bless you all!

Incarnation - Crucifixion

2006-12-25T14:24:00.000-05:00

What incredible mysteries of God's love, what an unfathomable gift and grace:

Think for a moment how phenomenal Christmas truly is.

First, out of great love, God creates us in His image. Out of Himself, He creates individual beings, separate people, to come together and meet in the family, to reflect the family that IS the Trinity. He who is relationally within Himself as Father, Mother and Child, creates individuals who are separate, to come together as "one flesh" (husband and wife) to give birth out of their love, who is then "flesh of my flesh". When we meet as family, we are closer to reflecting God than ever, while on earth. This alone is such a beautiful gift.

Second, out of great love, the Infinite, the Creator of everything, the Almighty, He who IS... He chooses to become like us. He chooses to make Himself one of us! We are naught but his creations! We are the ones who betray Him, who turn our backs to Him, who receive His love and then turn around and go about our days as though we don't need the One who is the very reason we exist and continue to exist. We're like a baby that says, "nuts to you, mom, I'm gonna get my own milk" as we lay there flailing and crying and thinking that when mom gives us the milk anyway that we're the ones who made it happen. God made himself one of us! Of course, He became one of us in all things but that disobedience. God chose to become a helpless child though... He chose to be obedient to His earthly parents, who are HIS creation! He made himself so low, that He took upon our flesh, our limitations. He was subject to time, to aging, to the struggles and hardships we go through. I cannot begin to describe how incredible this gift alone can be. Recalling that He is God, that He is infinite, perfect, omnipotent, existing outside of time, all these things, and yet His love is so great that He chose to take on our humanity from the very beginning of childhood, right into manhood, and continues to bear that humanity even now, resurrected. What a gift! For God to do this is already an infinite sacrifice. This was His first crucifixion. And what love there is in this sacrifice of the Incarnation.

Third, out of great love, as though it was not enough to share our life, hardships, and all things human (except sin), He gives His life in the crucifixion, dying for our sin so we may be born into new life in Him. Phenomenal how God is born like us so that in dying, we may be born like Him.

Merry Christmas.

The Mystery of Christ's Incarnation

2006-12-24T21:37:00.000-05:00

As we are preparing for Christmas Eve Mass, we told little Katherine (3 years old) that baby Jesus will be at Church. Excited she exclaims, "Jesus will be there?" to which we replied, "yes, isn't that great!?" and matter of factly she responded, "it is great... yet mysterious".

She's 3. I have no idea what that was about.

Jehovah's Witnesses

2006-12-22T23:20:00.000-05:00

Well guess who showed up at our door in Stratford? Looks like before I got here, some Jehovah's Witnesses spoke to my sister and asked if they could come by again and Jen decided she would invite them over to have a discussion with us sometime later this week.

...because I bought a book the other day on the subject and she figures I should talk to them

If you're thinking I sound annoyed, I'm really not. I actually bought this book on JW's because we have some that visit us in London and I wanted to educate myself well on the subject so I could properly address them. But hey, I can't read that fast Jen! Guess I got my work cut out for me.

I just wanted to share some funny anecdotes that I've read about thus far, here are some quotes from the book Answering Jehovah's Witnesses by Jason Evert. Also, so you know, Charles Taze Russel is the founder of the Jehovah's Witnesses.

Apparently a guy named J.J. Ross published a book that claimed that Russel "knows comparatively nothing of philosophy, systematic or historical theology, and is totally ignorant of the dead languages". So ol' Russel decided to sue Ross, and here's the records from the transcript of the court proceedings, when the defendant's attorney asked Russel if he knew Hebrew, Latin or Greek:

STAUNTON: "Do you know the Greek Alphabet?"
RUSSEL: "Oh Yes."
STAUNTON: "Can you tell me the correct letters if you see them?"
RUSSEL: "Some of them, I might make a mistake on some of them"
STAUNTON: "Would you tell me the names of those on top of the page, page 447, that I have got here?"
RUSSEL: "Well, I don't know that I would be able to."
STAUNTON: "You can't tell what those letters are, look at them and see if you know?"
RUSSEL: "My way . . . [interrupted]"
STAUNTON: "Are you familiar with the Greek language"
RUSSEL: "No."

Some other interesting things I didn't know about their founder is that apparently he "discovered" one day that he was the seventh angel whom John spoke about in the book of Revelations. Not only that, but the six other angels were the apostles John and Paul, three other guys who I have no idea who they are, as well as Martin Luther! And to top it all off, Russell passed away on Halloween, (in 1916) while on a train, wearing a toga made from bedsheets.

Unique.

Squirrel Math

2006-12-19T12:26:00.000-05:00

Am I the only one who has noticed the specific rhythm and flow of movement of squirrels?

Quite possibly!

I saw a squirrel running in front of me today, or rather it was more of a bounding than a run. You all know what I mean, I'm sure you've seen squirrels bound along the road. What I recognized for the first time today, is the way in which a squirrel bounding looks something like a sine wave. Even his tail in following after him seems to follow the direction the body was previously at. So it's like, I bet if we had a video of the squirrel and drew a squiggly sine wave across it, no part of the squirrel would deviate from that line at any moment of bounding!

I know, I know, you're all pretty impressed and amazed, and from now on you'll all pay closer attention to the math of the squirrel's bounding methods, and probably someone will write in saying, "Steve, I've calculated precisely the equation for the squirrel's bound" and then produce some figure like 2sin(14) and we all punch it into our graphical calculators and say, "hmm.. that looks about right" but nobody really wants to actually check the proof and see if it's accurate because, c'mon man, you have too much time on your hands.

Christmas Food-a-thon

2006-12-17T16:20:00.000-05:00

Ahh, Christmas is almost here. It's one of those times of year that we celebrate and give thanks to God by having a day devoted to gluttony. Hmm... that's something to keep in check this year.

As bizarre and hypocritical as that sounds (and is) it is still understandable considering our culture's way of celebrating with a feast. This is all fine and good, and I am the first to say one of my favourite ways to come together with people and enjoy their company and have a good time is through a meal. But this is just a reminder to everyone that this year, be sure not to eat so much as to forget about God, but to love God more by eating and spending time with your family and/or friends.

Let's not wait until the new year to make such resolutions.

March On...

2006-11-13T20:52:00.000-05:00

Good eve to all my loving friends and anyone else who may chance upon this.

I have returned from my trip to Maryland, having visited the Institute of the Incarnate Word's formation house and seminary. Granted, I came back a little bald, but at least the novices had a lot of fun cutting off all those curls. I wanted to thank everyone for your prayers, as the experience was quite intense, although I am sorry to say for those of you hoping so much that I would find my future home, that this visit seems to have raised more questions than answers. They are certainly a very solid order, and very orthodox, but as it stands, I have absolutely no idea what is going on at this point in time. Luckily I have finally made an appointment with my spiritual director so I hope to have some answers or at least to be at peace with whatever crazy process God is doing with me.

It was really quite incredible to be there though. I attended an Ignatian spiritual retreat, which was pretty much solely for me. That was a day and a half of silence by myself in the chapel, after a day and a half of silence with the Novices and Postulants. It was so strange to have people prepare food for me but I would eat alone, and then a priest would give these short talks outlining the next spiritual exercise and then he'd take off and I'd be all alone. It was a wonderful and peaceful time of prayer, and actually reminded me a whole lot of Medjugorje. But I had the opportunity to really talk it out with God and get to know more of my... well... lack of holiness. Ha ha... it's good to be humbled when I'm not very good at being humble on my own.

Anyhow, I don't really have a lot to share on the subject unless anybody has specific questions about these guys (I would highly recommend anyone to getting to know them, they are super holy men). Feel free to leave comments.

God's peace be upon you all.

Costume Fantastico '06

2006-10-31T23:18:00.000-05:00

Ah, Hallowe'en.

It's not that I decided to start my blog today because I have any particular affinity for Hallowe'en... but it was my first big opportunity to show of pictures of the incredible costume line and inventive ideas of my friends and their costumes this year.

So I declare this the first and probably second to last COSTUME FANTASTICO 2006!!!
(with handy picture descriptions! — you can click on them to see it bigger and stuff)

hats off from Jen, the "failed superhero who has turned to booze to drown her sorrows after being thrown out by the superfriends as an inadequate superhero"

Completely in character, we can see how distraught she is...

Paul, the elusive "spidermantalope" in his natural habitat

Decending to the basement of terror, Steve, a.k.a "Vampire Santa" or "Santacula", is pursued by a mysterious haunted floating bicycle.... of DOOM!

Would you care for a candy cane? It's made of mostly red and orange!

Vampire Santa asserts that his beer belly is superior

"GET INTO CHARACTER, JEN... or I'll bite off your protruding cheeks!"

Jamie, the "sexually confused Jason" enters the scene, hungry for... love?

Finally making an appearance with the spidermantalope and the superhero reject is Andrew as "Professor Scudworth" from Clone High, as also seen here below, donning the paper pirate hat

"For what is more powerful, than a HIGHSCHOOL PRINCIPAL?!?!?!"

Group photo...
unsure why Scudworth is wearing lipstick?

Award for best group photo goofy expression goes to sexually confused Jason

Oh... and Jason (real name) is also here, in his magnificent costume of... sorry what? "The really annoying guy at parties"??? Well, you have a voice modulator, so we'll let you get away with it.

Don't look at that man behind the curtains! ... I mean, the beard behind the other beard...

"STAMOS!!!!!""I go to the submarine sandwich restaurant, and I leave my submarine sandwich restaurant value card at home, every... time..... I want.... a free sandwich!"

Hi ladies!

Award for most frightening costume goes to: the spidermantalope!

Don that superhero underwear with pride!

*glug glug* "Yeah I'yyl shuwwum whadda PMSn shupur hero kin do... "

"Urrrrrhhhhhhh..."
*translation*
"Pleased to make your aquaintance"

You got a little somethin' in there...

Enough said.

Seriously man, how about reviewing your LIPSTICK!

Ashamed to be seen without the mask in his true element

This year, Koro decided to dress up as a bird

The superhero reject looks like she might need that beer back shortly

"I left the upper half of my face back there"

"... just like so and TAH DAHHH... Now my right arm has completely vanished!"

Kisses from Scudworth. Scudworth likes your style.

"Hang on, I think I hear something... What's that? It's an awesome groove?"

Vampire Santa wasn't loved as a child... Also, he was dropped and stuff...

"Hark, my antler sense is tingling!"

"You took a picture of me coming out of the bathroom? I have just decided—you no longer get to live."

Scudworth tries to get better reception, the annoying guy at parties tries moreso to be cool than to be annoying, and the spidermantalope loses a left limb to sexually confused Jason

"For the last time, give me back my stormtrooper bendable action figure"

Sexually confused Jason appears to be so confused, he contemplates marrying the spidermantalope. Confused or not, I think that might be cross species, though I'm still unclear what a spidermantalope is.

"Ah-ha! It was me, Jason, all along!"
"Huh... sorry? I can't hear you over the candy I ate"

"Come on little boy... sit on Santacula's lap and tell him what you want"

"Your very own machete? Of course, here you go, there's no reason to cry!"

"I love you Jason!"
"Urrhhh!!!!!"

"I want a pony, and a set of ninja turtles, and a Scudworth's face implanted by the sole of my shoe"

"...and in time, therefore, we'll see that all men will start to wear lipstick, so I think of myself as a pioneer"

The superhero reject, activating her PMS powers, has entered her needy stage as we see her longing for her bottle like a baby would. Santacula is just shocked that now you can get beer with all the taste and just half the calories.

"Yayyy!!! It's just what I wanted!"

"DRINK IT NOW!!!!!!"

Santacula has had just about enough of your sass!

A picture is worth a thousand words, eh?

smooth

For the cover of "People" magazine

Supporting the Canadian economy

Representing some kind of dead hippy celebrity...

"URRRHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
*translation*
"word."

Bertha, the boxing nun, promotes issues like the value of life and the role of women and men in the church, by delivering a hefty blow of doctrinal smackdown to sexually confused Jason

Bertha: 1 — Jason: 0

Omar, as Clark Kent has arrived!

"*gasp!* Someone's in distress!"

Superhero reject reacts in rage at the sight of the man who gave the tidebreaking vote to kick her off the team. Clark Kent is certain that his chest can bear the brunt of any attack.

To close a wonderful evening, sexually confused Jason and Scudworth enjoy a lovely midnight stroll, hand in hand.

Still He said, "I love you"

2006-06-30T16:13:00.000-04:00

This past week while praying the rosary and meditating on the sorrowful mysteries, I felt as though God showed me the following. It's a bit difficult to put into words, because it was moreso an understanding or impression I had, than really a description. It's just something to meditate about I think:

With His heart bursting with the greatest of love for you, Jesus approached you. Never before has anyone compared to this kind of love—no relationship, no one has fallen so deeply in love with you as He. Offerring not only His heart, but His very self, He called you close to that beating, living heart and said, "this is for you", but you rejected His gift outright. Not only did you not return His love, but you demanded He be sent to prison. How shattered He was by this rejection and your complete dismissal of His feelings for you. So much so, that He went to the garden and wept. He had little concern for His arrest and imprisonment, but His heart was torn by your words, by the look in your eyes as though you didn't even know Him.
He bore the rejection of the love from all the world. But as you had the guards take Him away, he turned at you and gazed into your eyes and said, "it is alright, know that I still love you."

You falsely accused Him so that He may be punished, as though tearing up that poor man's heart was not enough. He was beaten, whipped, His flesh torn to shreds and His blood spilled as a lamb in the slaughter.
He bore the sufferring and pains of the world. With what little strength He had left, bruised, broken and beaten, he raised His head and gazed softly into your eyes, forgetting the whip you clutched in your hand and He whispered, "I still love you".

Dragging Him aside you found it fitting to mock Him since the flogging had not yet eliminated Him from your life. You spat on Him, and with all your cunning used your tongue not to bless, but to deride, to attack, as a sharpened sword, so quick to lash out the most hurtful of remarks. Into his head and mind you beat those sharp words and thorns as deeply as you could, trying to destroy Him from the inside out. He let out loud cries and moans that could shatter the stars in the sky.
He bore the cruelty of the whole world. Then He clutched His heart, which was bursting at the seams and brimming with love, and He looked at you once again and with softness in His voice He called to you, "precious one, so dear to Me, I still love you"

Then with dead hatred in your heart, you looked back at Him, straight in the face and screamed, "CRUCIFY HIM!" This you shouted repeatedly; demanding a death that is prolonged and drawn out. Handing Him the cross, you shouted at Him, deriding Him—this Man who was already broken, now crushed under the immense weight of the cross. His shoulders splitting, the wood rubbing into His open wounds as he slowly marches uphill toward the condemnation you demanded He serve—to death.
He bore the sins of the whole world, and decided that even though you continued to deny His love and to unleash your cruelty upon Him, He would bear your sins too. He smiled and with what little energy He had left, looked deeply into your eyes and said, "remember that I love you"

Then, unrelenting and unrepentful, you began pounding the nails into His hands and feet, and with each bang of the hammer He cried out "I love you! I love you!" And hanging on the cross, He prayed for you, calling to His Father in heaven, "forgive them, for they know not what they do!" Choking on His own breath, he looked down from the cross and forgave you for all you did, even until death, and with tears in His eyes He finally said, "My precious child, love of my life, My heart is bursting with love that I can no longer contain. My Mercy and my Love are so strong and dying to pour out onto you, that they cannot be held in any more. I forgive you, and I love you so dearly." Then as He gave up His life, His heart which had grown so big with love for you, could no longer be held back, and with blood and water Christ's mercy and love poured out with His very life for you. Never has there been or will there ever be such love and mercy and it is pouring out for you endlessly, regardless of what you may have done or will ever do. You need only accept it, and it will always be waiting for you.

I've been thinking a lot about worship

2006-06-25T21:14:00.000-04:00

and I had been concerned that maybe I have never worshipped God in my life. It seemed to me that there would require of us an active component in worship, a formal decision of worship. I figured that after all these years that I've been learning and growing to love God more, that perhaps I had not taken the time to actively worship Him.
Now, since worship is not something of our own regard, but rather we may enter into worship when we praise God—stepping forward into the gates of heaven to join with the angels and saints in unceasing worship—then how might I enter into the throne of worship by praising God? Through the analyzing, worry, and confusion over this whole ordeal, it seems that I have placed myself somewhat further still from worship, for little did I know I have worshipped the Lord all along! As Catholics, every time we meet on Sundays, we come to worship, and this is where my fear lay, for I figured that without having consciously partook in the attempt to actively worship, that I was not worshipping. But in my times of prayer, in my coming to Christ to have a meeting with Him, both in and out of Mass, worship is exactly where I had ended up, for worship is not really an all out conscious pursuit but rather a consequence of the heart. If we mentally organize ourselves to worship, we do not really achieve anything but perhaps frustration, for in the words of Shakespeare's Hamlet, "My words go up, my thoughts remain below, words without thoughts never to heaven go."

Worship comes from the heart. When we enter into a meeting with Christ, he touches the innermost parts of our heart and worship is evoked from that meeting. It's something that naturally happens, it's a natural desire. After all, we were made for worship, it is integral to our very creation. So worship is not a trial or something we have to endure, but it is a beautiful expression of our love that explodes outward when we are in awe and in love with God. It's a natural expression and fulfillment of our being.

Maybe you didn't know...

2006-06-21T19:58:00.000-04:00

but I am thinking of composing a new song. I was reflecting upon what it would be like to live a day in which I could see no sin. How beautiful it would be to live in the day without sin, and to see with the eyes of God how things might be, and what love would be present. No one hurting another, no callousness, no pain, only kindness, chairty, and love towards one another. Then I thought, if I want to have any hope of seeing a day without sin, I have to start with me.

This was a springboard into the thought of the way we see sin in others. So I want to write a song called "maybe you didn't know" which will be like a story of a man who is walking by others and lovingly asking them if maybe they didn't know what they were doing. For the leading cause of so many of our sins is the lack of knowledge, for if we truly knew what we were doing, if we knew the pain it caused Christ, then out of love for God we would not be able to stand committing those sins. It's in forgetting God; forgetting ourselves that we sin.

Even when we want to argue with the fact that we may be committing a sin, it's partially because of our perspective. We do not see things in their proper light, for we wear the glasses of selfishness and yet we want to think ourselves entirely unselfish, so we cannot bear to conceive of things in any other manner. Maybe you should know.

The First Post!

2006-06-21T18:46:00.000-04:00

Always a little bit daunting as it feels like it ought to set the tone for all the entries contained herein.

Sometimes I post ramblings...
sometimes I post interesting stuff...
and probably more often I'm motivated to post what is dear to my heart, in the whisperings of Our Lord to my soul.
sometimes these are simply thoughts in progress as well, so do not take me as a definitive authority on the Church teaching in all things. Of course I will always try to be in line with the Church, but feel free to correct me.

May God bless you and be with you.
And say a prayer for me if you can...